I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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