is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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