You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
