yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
