She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
