But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
