Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
