just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
