Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
