What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
