she woke up with a sticky ear
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
