I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize