how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
