so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
