Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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