Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
