dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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