Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
