I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
