Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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