this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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