I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
