dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
3pm strippers are depressing
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
