woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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