You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
