I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
