Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
