wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
