I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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