I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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