Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize