Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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