Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
