I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
