I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
