we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
