Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
