Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i love accidental penises.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
