god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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