suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
