I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
