Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
