well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
