You're a womanizer and a bitch.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
