this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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