I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
