Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
They have beer where we have blood.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
