it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
