you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
