whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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