also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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