P.S. I can't hear my feet
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You are a genius and a whore.
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