guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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