apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
i now understand why vodka
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
