we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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