my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I will pee on everything he values.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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