Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
