I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
