Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
