If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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