I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
