exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize