Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Come see our sink grown plant.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
