The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Naked Twister starts at high noon
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
