girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
