Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize