hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
