and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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