Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
