Say something about gay babies.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize