When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
