i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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