So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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