who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
