I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
