batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
it's like iHOP with fire
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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