you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
