I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Bring me that man meat
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
