just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
