seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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