In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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