My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
