I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
