You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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