Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
