I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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