Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
