I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
There r osticjed everywhere
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
