The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
The adults are the big ones right?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
