**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
