....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
