Kiss
Puke
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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