Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
