Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
