shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
