I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
