Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
