Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I don't deserve a penis
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
