Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize