he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
