i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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