So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
