Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
