so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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